Effective Communication

Communication is vital in not only marriage, but in all relationships. Effective communication is one of the key factors that separates a successful relationship from a failed one. However, many people do not know how to communicate effectively with one another. Couples can sometimes misunderstand one another for years because they misinterpret one another's signals and then fail to talk about the issue and clarify things. Many marriages end due to misunderstandings and failed communication. There is a quote that says, “The goal is not to be possible to understand, but impossible to misunderstand.” So how can you achieve this and have effective communication in your relationships or marriage?

The first thing you should know is that there are multiple types of communication. Not all communication is based on what you say; in fact, the words you say only represent a very small part of your communication. Most communication is nonverbal, meaning most of our understanding of one another comes from observing body language. The next biggest form of communication is by tone of voice. This leaves spoken words as the smallest part of communication. For example, even if you are saying all the right things, if your body language is aggressive or angry, it is unlikely you will be able get a positive point across. This also applies to tone of voice. Even if you are saying positive things, it will not come off the way if you say it in an angry or sarcastic voice. You always need to make sure your body and tone of voice are mirroring what you say and the meaning you want to convey. This brings us to what to say when you are communicating.

When discussing an important and touchy topic, the best approach is to follow the EAR method: using empathy, assertiveness, and respect. When communicating, it is important to get your point across, but you also should be aware of the other persons side of things. It should be about working together to resolve issues, not placing the blame on the other person. Empathy is putting yourself in someone else's shoes and trying to understand how they feel. Ask them questions to understand what they are thinking and feeling rather than assuming you already know how they feel (this is called inquiry). Even if they are saying something you think is ridiculous, try to find some truth to what they are saying (this is the Disarming Technique). Assertiveness is making sure that the other person also understand how you feel. Do not use "you" statements when expressing yourself, as this is a way of placing blame on them. Instead, use "I feel" statements. This expresses your ideas and feelings directly without pointing any fingers. Respect is pretty self-explanatory. When you are in an argument, you should still be respectful to the other person, even if you are frustrated (this is called stroking). These are all so important in having effective communication.

Communication can be really difficult. However, it is completely possible to communicate effectively when you are conscientious of how you are communicating. When you are aware of your body language and tone of voice, and when you use the EAR method while talking, it can make a huge difference in how your conversations go in your relationship. Last but not least, never forget to listen to what the other person has to say. A quote I love is, "Being heard is akin to being loved; in fact, being listened to is one of the highest forms of respect and validation" (Mark Ogletree). It is important to make sure your partner understands how you feel, but never forget the importance of also making sure the person you are communicating with still knows they are loved.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2014/02/young-adults/speak-listen-and-love?lang=eng