Transitions in Marriage
Many people grow up dreaming of living in one of the fairytales portrayed in a Disney movie. They hope they will meet the perfect person for them and then will someday get married to said person and live happily ever after. However, as much as I hate to admit it, this hope is no more than a fantasy. Marriage can be really hard, and while many marriages do succeed, some also fail. Why exactly is this? What differentiates a successful and happy marriage from a failed marriage? A lot of the time it has to do with the transitions in marriage. Some of these transitions include the wedding, initial marriage, and the introduction of children.
Though the wedding does come before marriage, it can have many impacts on a couple after they are married. This is because weddings can be both extremely expensive and also very stressful. The average cost of a wedding today is between $20,000 and $30,000. Depending on the age or income of the couple, this may be difficult or even impossible to obtain--at least in a reasonable amount of time. To solve this, some people depend on their parents to pay for the entire wedding. However, this may not be the best solution because it may cause the couple to feel an obligation to their parents because of their debt. This obligation could eventually lead to the couple having their parents dominate the marriage. On the flip side, couples that do not want to depend on their parents for paying for the wedding may try to pay for the whole wedding themselves, which can be good but may extend their engagement dramatically. This can also become an issue because it may cause an eventual loss of excitement or interest in marriage and the relationship in general. The most obvious solution to this problem is to aim for a simpler and less expensive wedding. This will not only relieve a great deal of stress for the couple, but it will also likely save a lot of time.
The next transition is the stage of initial marriage. The way of marriage starts off is very important because the changes made at the beginning will often become the trend for the rest of the marriage. Marriage is the merging I have two lives, but this change is sometimes difficult to achieve. This is also a reason why couples that cohabitate before marriage are less likely to have a successful marriage. They have gotten used to living lives that are parallel to each other, and often continue trying to live like this once they are married instead of merging their lives. This causes problems in the relationship because marriage depends on working together and collaborating, so it is unlikely that it will be successful if spouses are still trying to live independent of one another. Communicating and making changes together is very helpful in creating a successful and happy marriage.
The last transition I will talk about is the introduction of children. This transition can often be when couples really struggle. This is because the relationship has to change to accommodate the new members of the family. Many of the problems arise from lack of communication or feelings of loss of connection. This is because the wife needs to attend to the needs of the new child most of the time, which can leave the husband feeling neglected. If unresolved, these feelings of neglect and hurt can build up. Another big issue is that both parents will often be getting a lot less sleep while caring for the child, which causes challenges in communicating and decision-making. One last factor is that mothers can also develop postpartum depression. I think that the best solutions for these issues are focusing on communication and making sure that both of the parents feel connected to each other and to the child. It can also be extremely beneficial if the husband is included in seeing the baby's development by attending ultrasounds and being present at the birth. This helps both parents bond with the child and will be able to help as they cope with the changes this brings to their marriage.
These three transitions have a huge impact on marriage, though there are also other transitions that I did not mention. The way that these transitions are handled can deeply influence the couples throughout their marriage. However, some of the best solutions usually depend on the couple's ability to communicate, connect, and collaborate with one another. Thank you so much for reading!
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